can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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