She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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