i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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