how can u be prego again
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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