i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
