u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
