Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
