The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Shame is for Republicans.
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