her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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