I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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