Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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