this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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