Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
