waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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