Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
