I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
