I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
