do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
