why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
