Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
