addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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