you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
