Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
