bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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