I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize