I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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