Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
