I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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