New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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