I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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