How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
