I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
