U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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