you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
