Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
