wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
