My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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