remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just invented taco cereal.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
