she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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