I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
