Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
