All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize