i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
