New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
