Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
