She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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