Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
