Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
