So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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