I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
please come you make the beer taste better
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
