im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
