Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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