brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
