so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
