I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
