Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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