we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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