This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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