things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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