Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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