Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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