I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
