I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
