My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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