So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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