The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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