theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
