i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
