My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
false alarm. still invincible.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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