In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
