I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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