she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize