I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
