I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am available for nakedness
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize