She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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